★Vision Quest ~ first day★


Upon waking from my hibernation earlier this year ~ as I shared through my last written piece, “Dream of Bear Medicine” ~ it wasn’t long afterwards I was ready to get back on my feet and attempt to trek the wild untamed jungles of life; however, I found it difficult and overwhelming to say the least.  I knew I was okay but I was arm-wrestling with my emotions while lingering grief kept me from being my true self, and in a weak moment of surrender I had to acknowledge it all needed to be released.

That’s the day I heard the calling and received an invitation to Vision Quest virtually with brothers and sisters from different places all over the world!  I immediately signed up for the experience with absolutely zero expectations.  It was on my spiritual bucket list and this was an opportunity to travel inwardly at an insightful time of my life.

We were each to choose a sacred space of our personal choice for a 24-hour individual silent experience and we had several weeks in which to formulate a plan.

Quest is a natural experience in which an individual in their most vulnerable form embarks on a journey seeking to interact with a guardian spirit, animal; to obtain a spiritual awakening, advice, message; or direction for their future, purpose and path. 

I prepared for my Vision Quest with great enthusiasm and high regard for what was to come.

As a first-time-quester, I was comfortable playing by all the preparatory rules as I am good at following rules.  Coloring within the lines makes me feel safe and protected; a promise to succeed.  Little did I know, I was about to face a huge undertaking of the lines being erased before my very eyes and therefore needing to trust my Self in the design, architecture, construction and navigation of my own boundaries…which was to start with none other than mapping the sacred circle in my camp.

I was happy to start a (juice) fasting 3 days prior and go off the grid as soon as possible.  As I chose my most sacred items for this journey my eyes really opened wide to the realization and importance of which spiritual tools would be the ones to take with me.

Quest being a minimalistic voyage, what would you take with you if you had to carry it all on your own and you couldn’t make multiple trips?  Is it time to purge the items that have no task, sentimental value, or foundational purpose? 

The day before the quest began, I journeyed to set up camp in the most beautiful of paradises, my own backyard.  There were many friends of the Earth whom welcomed me as I placed the thoughtfully chosen sacred items strategically to be positioned in their most powerful directions awaiting the invocation of North, South, East and West elements.

Since I was honestly just outside my bedroom door I was able to have more, but I really tried to keep it simple.  I brought a Buddha and some crystals to create a small altar, my favorite herbs to clear the space, invite and offer to the Spirit world, as well as personally enjoy the scent of.  I also toted a Leumurian crystal wand which a magical friend made me, as well as a beautiful angel rock which held space on the outskirts of my designated space.  Of course I pitched a small tent too, and had a safe fire pit with a Prayer Shawl to keep me warm.  Lastly, I brought a drum and a singing bowl in which to chant, meditate and pray.

On Quest day we were gifted the focus of direction and theme ~ “New Beginnings” ~ energy that was patiently awaiting us in the East of our sacred circles.  We were invoked and called in the directions, guided by our fearless leaders with a vast amount of authenticity, integrity, love and support as we each were released and walked from severance through the threshold into the core of the solo experience.  In that present moment of hanging up the phone, there was a feeling of trepidation and excitement at the same time, but I took a deep breath, one step, and courageously walked from one world into another without speaking or thinking for one whole day & night.

The first thing I did out there while it was still light was to make seven “prayer ties,” each filled with an offering of:

1) braided yarn from my sacred circle, 2) incense, 3) fortunes from fortune cookies I’d collected over the years, 4) rose petals, 5) seeds, 6) sage; and 7) a Selenite crystal ~ a welcoming to the spirits which I hung on a line of yarn from one branch of a tree to another.

Initially, the mission I thought was to release all the grief I’d accumulated since I was 8 years old…an emotional insight I was gifted on 11/11/18 during my first camping trip alone (not in my backyard).  I wondered, at that time, how long I’d been sad.  I asked.  I received the answer.  It made sense since that was the time of my soul-self initiation launching me into the spiritual life I’ve lived quietly for so long.   Constantly feeling “different” along the way during the following 45 years I experienced many challenges which I eventually realized in my 2007 Awakening were opportunities for growth and learning.

Blankly, I sat in front of a magically sparkling fire when I started to naturally journal about my grief when it hit me, why am I once again here making lists of what I am grieving over when this Quest is about new beginnings?!  Do I really want to start this second half of my life resonating in low-energy and constant struggle?

I informed myself in that moment, “I’m done grieving the losses in my life!”

Transparently, I’ve resonated with feeling lost after someone leaves me via death (or by choice).  I’ve held tight to mourning each loved one and felt exhausted each time I have to start life over…and then over…and over again several times on my own.

My shattered pieces shifted in that exact moment and I MADE THE CONSCIOUS INTENTION to resonate with only the high-frequency good vibes in a quest of new beginning; connecting to the chance for renewal which I’m being offered at this very moment.  “It’s time to move through this and move forward!”  I sincerely asked myself inwardly, “why would I choose anything else?!”  Why would I focus on anything other than traversing the rest of my life within a feeling of healed, healthy, abundance & wholeness?

I tore the list out of my journal, took another deep breath and tossed it into the fire burning it right then and there.

With this revelation steering me late into the evening and leaving emotionally exhausted I might add, I retired to my tent.  I laid with the windows and door open to have a clear view of the fire, the “visitor candle” I placed under the grandfather avocado tree, and a street light peeking through it’s branches.  As my eyes fell soft and relaxed I connected to all three simultaneously and opened up to a steady streaming of a hundred shiny golden threads of light shooting straight into my Heart Chakra.  I was being healed by the Universal Source, by my Guides, the angels, downloaded with light codes, and the God energy that is in All of us…including you, friends. ❤

I fell asleep in the light that night KNOWING tomorrow was going to be a helluva day.

Flying boundlessly with my wings wide open is what my new lines consist of brothers and sisters ~ and guess what? ~ I have lots of colors I want in to use in my landscape, and from here on out I refuse to limit myself to only a fistful.

So in the upcoming year, without regret, without a care of judgement, without a fear of not being who anyone may expect, want, need me to be, I will be sharing a lot more of my spiritual thoughts and chakra knowledge.  If you are called to the journey, feel free to take a wing and ride along.

Honestly, I have been so very fortunately blessed with a wonderful family, my soul group, my spiritual guides, my angles, my biggest support system.  Thank you to each and every one of you who have loved me through my trials and errors.

As for today, this is just “day one” blog journal of my vision quest.  There’s more to come very soon in a second posting where I will share about the birds, the bees, the breeze, the death of my ego self, birth of my divine self, and the messages they each hand delivered to my heart.

In the meantime, on wings and waves, I stream each and every one of you light & 100% pure love.

Dr. Rev. Shannon Paczkowski



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